Mummy Juggling
Writing while balancing a job and parenthood
photo: Kristen Loken
Though in many ways she’s the central character in my Rannoch Fraser Mysteries series, Mélanie Rannoch doesn’t appear until a few chapters into the latest book in the series, The Seven Dials Affair. While her husband Malcolm is summoned to the scene of the murder, Mélanie is nearby at the Tavistock Theatre rehearsing her new play. When she learns their friend Jeremy Roth’s estranged wife has been killed, she immediately wishes she’d known sooner and asks Malcolm why he didn’t send for her.
"But I wasn't far away from Seven Dials. Why didn't you—"
"You were in the midst of rehearsal, sweetheart." Malcolm's gaze was steady.
"I could have—"
"Left and missed it? You said yourself there's work you need to do, based on what you saw tonight. You wouldn't get that rehearsal back. There'll be plenty of time to investigate later. And you were with the children. I know Manon or Simon could have stayed with them, but why? We had it under control."
"Yes. Of course." God, she was an agent, a mother, a playwright, and a wife. You'd think she'd be used to the pull of competing loyalties by now.
.
Throughout the book, Mélanie struggles to balance the investigation with her upcoming play and parenting her children.
She'd promised to take a new draft of the scene between Fiona and Gideon to Simon at the Tavistock this afternoon. They were going to go through it with Brandon and Manon. If she could get it done in the next hour, she might have time for a council with Malcolm and any of the others who returned before she had to leave for the theatre.
And of course, just as it was hard to sleep when one knew one had to be awake early, it was hard to write when one knew one needed to produce the words quickly. She could grasp the shape of what she wanted with the scene. The details of how to get there eluded her.
She is all too relieved when the call of the investigation interrupts her. Later she sits in the Berkeley Square garden making revisions on a script in her lap while her children play - and again is interrupted by the latest developments in the investigation.
Mélanie Rannoch’s dilemmas definitely resonated with me as I wrote The Seven Dials Affair. I write a novel and a novella a year, I work for the Merola Opera Program, and I’m a mum. My life may be less adventurous than Mélanie Rannoch’s, but I know all about juggling the pull of competing loyalties. I remember one day when my daughter was five, I had to give a presentation at a meeting for my Merola job, meet up with my daughter's nanny to drop her off, and later that night finish going through copy edits for my book Gilded Deceit. It was raining. We ran late. I wasn't sure I'd told the nanny the right place to meet. Finally sitting in the meeting, I remember reaching down to turn round the heel of my Wolford tights so a run wouldn't show and fishing out a blue crayon from my Longchamp tote to make notes because I couldn't find a pen. But I got through the presentation and felt good about it. When I got to the copy edits that night, I thought about Mélanie Rannoch and the way she juggles her life, which makes mine look simple. I think Mélanie would say the secret (along with "not minding if you fail") is finding happiness in the moment. Sometimes easier said than done.
Juggling writing and parenthood is a frequent topic on #momswritersclub on social media, including their wonderful Youtube channel. It’s great to hear the perspective of other writer parents and know you aren’t alone. My daughter, also named Mélanie, is 11 now. Which makes the juggling a lot easier. She’s a huge help with everything from setting up work events to brainstorming and proofreading my books. But because she’s so self-sufficient, I think I’m more inclined to forget she needs time. Today I was working on this post at the hair salon while my color dried. Mélanie said she wanted to talk and I said I was working on something. She turned away with her book, obviously hurt. I, of course, felt horrible. I closed the computer and we had a nice talk about Minecraft and Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Cat Noir. Then after dinner and more talking, we came home and she settled down to Minecraft and I was able to finish this post and then get my daily word count in on my new novella. And actually, the break made me more focused. But it was a good reminder than making time to be a mum is as important as making time to be a writer.
Does your life seem to be a constant carousel of personal and professional deadlines? How do you maintain your balance? What tricks do you use to find time for writing or other activities while juggling other aspects of your life?
I'm not a mother, but I can sympathize with you. I, too, work full-time. However in recent years, my sister and I care for my parents. My father, who passed away in April 2020, had Parkinson's, an insidious disease. It was draining physically and emotionally on all of us, especially my mother. My father was in the hospital a few times. My sister and I tried as much as could to help my mother. I felt like I was constantly running. My mother has some health issues of her own. She has arthritis in her back and has trouble with balance and walking. She doesn't drive, so my sister and I take her to doctor's appointments and shopping, etc. The one good thing that came out of the pandemic was that my sister and I worked remotely. We actually worked at our mother's house during the day and were able to be there for her. My sister still works entirely remotely. I do so two days a week. This has eased our minds because we can be there with our mother during the day. However, we are constantly concerned about our mother.
Despite all of this, I try my best to squeeze in the time to write. Some days I can only write a couple of paragraphs because I'm either tired or my brain is not working. Other days the words flow and I'm able to write two or three pages. As the saying goes: Where there's a will, there's a way.
I didn't start writing until my daughter was out of the house, and I admire any author who can balance parenting, a day job, and productivity. My day job was representing children in foster care proceedings, which is meaningful, interesting work, but often daunting. I don't miss it now that I'm writing full time, but I do miss having in my life something substantial and interesting that gives me a real break from the writing. Sitting in court, waiting for my turn at cross examination, I was not fretting over how to get more conflict into the most recent draft scene's subtext. The writing was at rest. Similarly, when I was writing, the lawyering was at rest, and I think both pursuits benefited.
And both careers--the legal and the literary--benefited enormously from my parenting experience. I'm not as confident that the parenting benefited (the lawyering was an especially difficult fit), but the bills were paid, and that too is part of providing for a child.
Always, the compromises and cross-tensions.